Lost SCHWA message

This message was recovered from a now-defunct website.

Please read the Forever SCHWA and the Moron SCHWA announcements first.


schwa-head.gif

A GUIDE TO THE SCHWA MOTEL

*WELCOME!*

Welcome to the Schwa Motel, where the less things change, the more they stay the same. During your stay, you may encounter feelings of confusion and curiousity. To prevent this from becoming an unmanageable phenomenon, we’ve put together A Guide to the Schwa Motel. Rest easy.

*CHECK-IN AND CHECK-OUT*

To check in to the Motel, send e-mail to (defunct e-mail link) with the following text in the body of the message:

subscribe abducted

To check out of the Motel, send e-mail to (defunct e-mail link) with this text in the body of the message:

unsubscribe abducted

Check-in and check-out times are completely up to you; we’re open 24/7/365. Come on in. Stay for a while.

*THE HISTORY OF THE SCHWA MOTEL*

Founded in the past, the Schwa Motel has always existed to serve weary travellers or create a new home. Without our work, the world would be a different place.

We realized that those truly dedicated to the work of the Schwa Corporation might want a place to call their own. So we built the motel, gave it the unique Schwa feel, and started renting out rooms. Now we feature a full-fledged casino, a cafe, and a pool. The Schwa Motel has grown tremendously from its corporate roots.

*WHAT IS SCHWA?*

A representative survey of captive citizens showed virtual uncertainty about Schwa. To resolve this problem, we offer the following sample of responses:

Schwa is:
– the noise everybody makes and nobody hears.
– the earthquake in space and the tidal wave on the moon.
– the subtlety everyone grasps; the obvious fact everyone ignores.
– a sign of truth.
– mostly harmless.

*CAN I FIND SCHWA ON THE WORLD-WIDE WEB?*

Yes. The Schwa Corporation has an official home page at:
http://www.theschwacorporation.com (currently defunct)

*THERE’S SOMETHING GOING ON, ISN’T THERE?*

No. Remain calm.

*WHY SHOULD I CHECK INTO THE MOTEL?*

Things have been tight for a pretty long time. Much of our lives are spent exposed to danger, entertainment, and other distractions. The balance of life is clearly out of order.

The motel is offered as-is, with no guarantees. The Schwa Corporation is not responsible for anything, and particularly not any problems connected with your existence. However…

There is a Utopian element within the corporation, which hopes to use the Motel for the betterment of humanity. Recognizing the value in swallowing the competition, the Schwa Corporation has graciously allowed this element to fester and grow.

Much of this element is housed in the Motel. You might meet someone you know.

*WHERE IS THE SCHWA AMUSEMENT PARK?*

The Schwa Amusement Park does not exist

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