09.09.09, 09:09 in Berlin – it’s SCHWA time!

schwa_question

Please read the Forever SCHWA and the Moron SCHWA announcements first.
Be sure to check the articles Schwagain and Breaking Schwa, too.


schwa-head.gif

Breaking News

This may be the ultimate SCHWA post on this blog, because BILL BARKER HAS BEEN FOUND. And more: He even commented on a Schwa entry, here on this blog. As it happens, he is working on his 4th book and is about to launch his new website TOTAL MEDIA BLACKOUT on September 11th, 2009. And he even gives his e-mail adress, should you like to contact him!

921a294c5a6f548e4c81f19045d5b718.gif
In the future, evrything will work

Also on TOTAL MEDIA BLACKLOUT, there is (or rather was, some days ago) part of the old Schwa archive, including an overview of good old SCHWA PRODUCTS (it was the old Schwa shop – and apparently there will be a new one as well). How awesome is that *gg* (ok I’m white and nerdy. Sue me).


Fake Schwa?

Every now and then, someone will comment on any of the SCHWA articles. People who loved SCHWA and the art of Bill Barker – and still do in most cases. Seeing and sharing this kind of enthusiasm, I still am somewhat furious about the sad attempt to wring money out of SCHWA by this bad excuse of a fake SCHWA store on schwacorporation.com. Being somewhat of a perfectionist in all things SCHWA, I even get mad when I see an imitation of Barker’s SCHWA alien head logo. Whether it’s the eyes that are too big or too small or at the wrong angle or the outline of the head that’s too thick or thin or… WRONG – I … yaaaargh!

So, I’m giving you what little new (original or very-well faked) SCHWA items I was able to find. Njoy! And be sure to send me pics or scans of whatever original SCHWA stuff you still own (at reasonable sizes, please).

Let’s begin with some SCHWAvatars:

schwa-head.gifschwavatar-1schwavatar-2

Then, I found some of the wonderful slogans of SCHWA on wikiquote, of which I will present my all-time favorites here:

KEEP REALITY SECRET

LIFE IS MORE FUN IF YOU DON’T TALK

INDIFFERENCE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE

STOP DOMESTICATING YOURSELF

DO MORE NOW

SUPPORT ALIENOLOGY

THERE IS A RATIONAL EXPLANATION FOR EVERYTHING.
THERE IS ALSO AN IRRATIONAL ONE.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT SPACE?

DEFECTIVE! THIS PART OF REALITY IS KNOWN TO BE DEFECTIVE AND SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED REAL IN ANY WAY. CONTACT THE SCHWA CORPORATION BEFORE YOU BELIEVE

THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE IS BETWEEN YOUR EYES.

THIS COMPUTER HAS BEEN CLEANSED. CONTENTS NOT INCLUDED.

INFINITY IS LIFE’S WAY OF SAYING SLOW DOWN.

NOW IS THE FUTURE YOUR PARENTS WARNED YOU ABOUT.

THERE IS NO FUTURE LIKE THE PRESENT.

THE FUTURES MARKET WILL EVENTUALLY TRADE TIME.

YOU WILL FORGET THIS PREDICTION.

POPULAR MUSIC WILL CHANGE TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU NO LONGER THINK IT IS ANY GOOD.

BY 2020, THE ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE EARTH WILL BE A MOVIE THEATER.

Which, given the rise of mobile cams and youtube, google maps and augmented reality, it already is.

hallucination

If you know anything or have a suggestion or if you have discovered a place with shirts/pics not already shown in this blog, please leave a comment. Feel free to post original or fan-made „SCHWA quotes“ as a comment. And remember:

Don’t follow instructions! NOW!

schwa-brain.jpg


THE SCHWA CORPORATION SPONSORS EVERYONE. AND EVERYONE SPONSORS SCHWA.


raben-aas is a licensed schwa operative. but what does that mean?

Another lost SCHWA message

This message was recovered from a now-defunct website.

Please read the Forever SCHWA and the Moron SCHWA announcements first.


A SCHWA DISCLAIMER

*The Schwa Corporation’s sponsorship of this page does not entail censorship; approval; monetary, technical, or labor support; knowledge; denials; contributions; and/or legal responsibility. The Schwa Corporation does not review this page or officially acknowledge its existence. The Schwa Corporation’s sponsorship of this page is limited to its unwitting facilitation of its contents, by providing graphics as free advertisements for the Schwa Corporation. The Schwa Corporation did not write and has no knowledge of this statement of non-sponsorship, and will subsidize no related seminars or training. If you do not understand the above non-sponsorship and/or statement of nonauthorship thereof, pretend that you do. Consult the World Operations Manual for instructions (defunct link)

The Schwa corporation’s statement of spomsorship or non-sporsorship has already been added to the disclaimer section of this website.

THE SCHWA CORPORATION SPONSORS EVERYONE. AND EVERYONE SPONSORS SCHWA.


raben-aas is a licensed schwa operative. but what does that mean?

Discover the lost Scanwave site!

Please read the Forever SCHWA and the Moron SCHWA announcements first.


 schwa-head.gif

Another goodie

brought to you by the SCHWA foundation.

By use of the latest in WBM time travel engineering and photon batstrings, we have implemented a wormhole link to the meanwhile defunct scanwave site „as it was“ in the year 2000. Please note that time travel can lead to the visual illusion of missing pieces or pictures, whereas these are, of course, there and fully operational.

[ enable time travel to scanwave.com as of Aug 5th, 2000 ] 

Lost SCHWA message

This message was recovered from a now-defunct website.

Please read the Forever SCHWA and the Moron SCHWA announcements first.


schwa-head.gif

A GUIDE TO THE SCHWA MOTEL

*WELCOME!*

Welcome to the Schwa Motel, where the less things change, the more they stay the same. During your stay, you may encounter feelings of confusion and curiousity. To prevent this from becoming an unmanageable phenomenon, we’ve put together A Guide to the Schwa Motel. Rest easy.

*CHECK-IN AND CHECK-OUT*

To check in to the Motel, send e-mail to (defunct e-mail link) with the following text in the body of the message:

subscribe abducted

To check out of the Motel, send e-mail to (defunct e-mail link) with this text in the body of the message:

unsubscribe abducted

Check-in and check-out times are completely up to you; we’re open 24/7/365. Come on in. Stay for a while.

*THE HISTORY OF THE SCHWA MOTEL*

Founded in the past, the Schwa Motel has always existed to serve weary travellers or create a new home. Without our work, the world would be a different place.

We realized that those truly dedicated to the work of the Schwa Corporation might want a place to call their own. So we built the motel, gave it the unique Schwa feel, and started renting out rooms. Now we feature a full-fledged casino, a cafe, and a pool. The Schwa Motel has grown tremendously from its corporate roots.

*WHAT IS SCHWA?*

A representative survey of captive citizens showed virtual uncertainty about Schwa. To resolve this problem, we offer the following sample of responses:

Schwa is:
– the noise everybody makes and nobody hears.
– the earthquake in space and the tidal wave on the moon.
– the subtlety everyone grasps; the obvious fact everyone ignores.
– a sign of truth.
– mostly harmless.

*CAN I FIND SCHWA ON THE WORLD-WIDE WEB?*

Yes. The Schwa Corporation has an official home page at:
http://www.theschwacorporation.com (currently defunct)

*THERE’S SOMETHING GOING ON, ISN’T THERE?*

No. Remain calm.

*WHY SHOULD I CHECK INTO THE MOTEL?*

Things have been tight for a pretty long time. Much of our lives are spent exposed to danger, entertainment, and other distractions. The balance of life is clearly out of order.

The motel is offered as-is, with no guarantees. The Schwa Corporation is not responsible for anything, and particularly not any problems connected with your existence. However…

There is a Utopian element within the corporation, which hopes to use the Motel for the betterment of humanity. Recognizing the value in swallowing the competition, the Schwa Corporation has graciously allowed this element to fester and grow.

Much of this element is housed in the Motel. You might meet someone you know.

*WHERE IS THE SCHWA AMUSEMENT PARK?*

The Schwa Amusement Park does not exist

Moron SCHWA

The headline was a typo. Typos are the universe’s way to communicate.

921a294c5a6f548e4c81f19045d5b718.gif
In the future, evrything will work

This is a public blog announcement of the fact that the quest for SCHWA has begun. If you don’t know what SCHWA ist, read this. Don’t follow instructions. Now.

This public blog announcement has four items:

Item 1: This blog will try to collect every trace left by the SCHWA corporation, including but not limited to the quest for remaining t-shirts, unknown or lost artwork-slash-texts-slash-websites and the current location of Bill Barker

Item 2: This blog will try to bring satisfied customers of the SCHWA corporation together so that whatever code has been implemented in our brain by the SCHWA corporation via VDT (visual data transfer) can be pooled and decrypted

Item 3: This blog invites all SCHWA fans to learn of and use the SCHWA corporation’s teachings to the end that new messages can be generated that follow the original code encoded by the SCHWA Corporation. The goal will be the founding of the SCHWA foundation as the next logical step in artificial trans-human evolution, as suggested by the World Operations Manual

Item 4: There is no item 4